So today I realized that I’m not as good at hiding my eating disorder as I thought. This morning my dad said “if your uniform gets any bigger on you you’re going to be swimming in it”. I played it cool by telling him that it was just a bigger shirt than before because we got new uniforms at work. What I didn’t tell him is that the shirt they gave me is the same size as my old work shirt. It scares me that he noticed the difference because it means that he is watching me. He noticed a difference and its only a matter of time before he starts putting things together.
After work, I met with one of my best friends and she said “you look like super skinny, should I be worried?”. so its not just a coincidence that my Dad noticed because other people are noticing as well. I tried to play it cool with her as well and told her its a new shirt but she said its not just the shirt. She said a lot of my clothes look really baggy on me now. She also told me she notices that I don’t really eat. Then when I told her that I do she said “well lets go get some dinner then”. Thankfully, it was right around the time that I had to leave so I had an excuse to get out of it, but I don’t think she really bought it. So now one of my best friends AND my family are watching me.
You would think that I would like it that people are noticing the weight loss, and at first I did. But now its like every time someone comments on my weight they are threatening me or accusing me of something. They don’t say it like its a compliment anymore. I’ve even started to wear baggier clothes so that the weight loss isn’t as noticeable but even then people comment on whether or not I’m eating and if there is something going on.
So I guess I’m not all that sneaky after all. All this time I thought nobody had any idea. Turns out everyone is watching me.
Its not a good feeling.