Demi changed my life

As if I needed one more reason to love Demi Lovato, this interview has completely inspired me. I would love to say that I am now dedicated to recovery, but this isn’t the case. On the contrary, this interview with Demi has helped me recognize that I AM sick, that I DO have a legitimate disorder, and that it is okay to have my struggles.

Demi’s openness and honesty about her struggles over the years has been a constant reminder that I can get better and that one day I will be okay. It might not be today, but someday I will get better. Someday I will beat this horrible disease.

My struggles with bulimia have left me feeling outcast, isolated, and worthless. I felt as if I did not deserve happiness. I felt like nobody truly understood who I was and who I am as a person. I have struggled with internally-directed anger as a result of feeling so alone due to my own self-inflicted isolation. I can’t let anyone in without risking a loss of control or some form of intervention, but I can’t truly be happy until I recover.

I have often felt lost and listless, as if I am simply going through the motions of life without truly living. I have convinced myself that I will only be worthy of love if I lose more weight. After all, how could someone possibly look past the horrible flaws in my appearance to see what lies beneath? And even if they did, would anyone want to love someone who is so clearly self-destructive?

These are the kinds of thoughts that have driven me time and time again to restrict my food intake to the point of starvation until I finally felt so hopeless that I would throw myself into a binge only to feel disgusting and force myself to purge soon after. It’s a cycle that I find myself unable to break. It’s a cycle that I felt alone in until hearing Demi’s story. Demi has opened my eyes to the fact that I am not alone and that it IS possible to move past this. Even though I am not ready for recovery yet, it is still comforting to know that all is not lost.

I know that recovery may be an even greater struggle than even the eating disorder itself, but one day I hope that I will find the strength to heal.

Demi, if you ever read this, thank you so much for sharing your story. You have no idea how much it has meant to me to have someone I can look up to who can always make me feel less alone. Even though I have never met you, I feel like you know me better than most of the people in my life. You understand my struggles because you have been through them yourself. You are more than just a celebrity to me, you are a role-model. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am so grateful that you have shared your story with the world.

Stay strong.

Xo

Ayla

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