I recently had an appointment with my therapist which helped me to realize that I care too much about what other people think of me. I let other people’s opinions of me tear me down without regard for whether or not there is any proof to back up what they are saying.
My therapist told me that I should begin to stand up for myself more. Until recently I have let people walk all over me and control my life. I am working on changing that now. I want to learn how to tell people that their opinion doesn’t bother me. I’ve even come up with the line “well, that’s your opinion” that I am going to try to use as much as possible. It gets the point across while still maintaining professionalism. If people don’t like it then I guess they shouldn’t try to push their beliefs on me.
In today’s society there are so many pressures. You have to be pretty, you have to be smart, you have to be skinny, etc. As if the size of your jeans somehow determines your worth as a person. As a human being. And until recently I actually believed this. While my thought processes are not going to change over night, I can at least recognize that this is a terrible way to go through life. Basing my happiness on the number on the scale or the size of my jeans. I am trying to learn how to base my happiness on myself and who I am as a person, not on the unrealistic expectations of society, which is probably good because in two weeks my therapist wants me to start working on recovery from my bulimia. It terrifies me to think about losing my control and gaining weight. But my life is worth more than starvation and purging. I need to learn how to live. Because this isnt life. This is hell.