I saw this picture and it spoke to me so much that I decided to replicate it in my own sketchbook. The message behind the image is so powerful. I feel as though this image really speaks to my eating disorder and the control that my disorders have over me when I am at my lowest points.
The fact that the girl is extremely skinny reminds me of how I was obsessed with losing weight for so long. I lost almost a third of my body weight through self-starvation and if I had not received the intervention from my psychologist I’m sure I would still be in that dark hole that was my eating disorder. I was wasting away; I was malnourished; I was a marionette under the control of bulimia nervosa.
Another aspect of the drawing that stood out to me is the facial expression of the girl. She looks so sad, so alone. She looks as though she has given up and surrendered herself to the puppeteer. This is something that caught my attention because I feel like I am in a similar state. I feel lonely, scared, hopeless. I feel like I am being controlled by my disorders at this point. My anxiety is out of control and depression has crept in. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I am not living; I am existing.
Lastly, the dark figure in the background of the sketch also grabbed my attention. However, when I replicated the sketch, I decided not to include this part of the drawing. I decided to do this because for me the figure represented the looming threat of losing control. Unfortunately, at this particular moment in time, I have already lost control. I decided not to draw the shadowy figure in my own sketch because to me, the girl and the shadow are one in the same. My disorders are controlling me right now. I am my disorder right now. I don’t make my decisions for me, I make my decisions because of my disorders. I have lost all semblance of control because the shadows have taken over.
Maybe in the future when I am closer to recovery I will redraw the picture and the shadow will be in the background, but for now I cannot separate the shadow from the girl. And even if I did, I feel like there will always be that fear of the shadows taking over again.
So there you have my interpretation of this fantastic drawing. Below I have added a few more images that i want to replicate in the future because they also speak to me.