I would be lying if I said that I didn’t look at pro-anorexia or pro-bulimia websites when I was in the depths of my eating disorder, but I am happy to report that I have not been on such sites in about six months (with the exception of one time that I went on a site just to show somebody that the sites actually exist and are dangerous because she didn’t believe me). Having said that, there is a reason that I have avoided these sites for so long: they are dangerous, triggering, and addictive.
Pro-eating disorder websites exist for the sole purpose of fueling the eating disorders of people all over the world. The sites promote eating disorders, give tips and tricks on how to hide the disorders and how to do it “better”, and provide an environment for competition. For me, the competition was the worst. I didn’t need tips and tricks because I already knew it all. I didn’t need the fuel because I already had it. But the competition, that was another story. I am a perfectionist so I have a tendency to want to be the best at everything I do. Naturally, I wanted to be the best at my eating disorder. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else being sicker than me; if someone else was doing “better” than me in the race to lose weight, I would basically internalize that to mean that I didn’t have an eating disorder because if I did I would weight ##.
Like I said, this was the darkest point in my eating disorder. I was in denial and I did not think that I had a real problem. But that is the problem with these sites. They trick you into thinking that you are not good enough to have an eating disorder, not good enough to live, not good enough for anything.
These sites are a breeding ground for unhealthy thought processes and behaviors. I think these sites are horrible and should be taken down, but I think we all know that this will never happen. The said reality is that most of the people who create these sites are just as sick as the people who are participating in them.
I guess what I’m trying so say is that I think pro-eating disorder websites are horrible and only serve to make people even sicker than they really are. If you are reading this and you participate in pro-eating disorder sites or are thinking about joining in on one, please stop and think about what you are going to put yourself through. It will only make you sicker, more unhappy, depressed, and lonely. Think twice (or three times, or four, or however many times you need to stop and think before you decide not to search for pro-ED sites) before you search for pro-ED sites.
Stay strong loves,