Its been almost a month since my final session with my psychologist and I feel like I’m going crazy. I had an appointment to see the new therapist about 2 weeks ago but she had to cancel it for some reason and I just never got around to rescheduling it.
I think part of the problem is that I just really don’t want to switch therapists. I know I don’t have a choice considering the fact that my old therapist has probably had her baby by now, but i still really wish that I didn’t have to transfer to a new doctor. I had finally started to make progress and I was feeling more comfortable with the sessions. Now I’m back to feeling completely terrified of going to sessions. The idea of starting fresh with a new doctor actually makes me feel anxious to the point of panic if I think about it too much. But I can’t avoid it forever. Like I said, I feel like I’m going crazy. i’ve been having nightmares a lot lately and I am heading back down the road to bulimia so I definitely need to go talk to the new doctor ASAP.
I have an appointment for Wednesday during my usual class time. The only time this week that I could get an appointment was during a class so I’m going to have to miss half of the class, but I guess it will be worth it if it helps me feel better. Not to mention the fact that I have a close friend in the class who can send me the notes so its not like I’m going to miss all that much. But still a part of me wants to use the class as a reason to cancel the appointment. I’m having so much anxiety about transferring to a new doctor. I’m going to have to be treated for the anxiety that I’m having about treatment… because that makes a lot of sense.