Today was the day! I started to see my new therapist/psychologist. I was really anxious at first and I almost had a total meltdown in the beginning because I had to talk about the “trauma piece” as she called it. But after that things were okay and I slowly got a bit more comfortable.By the end of the session I felt okay with her and I was comfortable enough to be really honest about how I feel. At the very end of the session she told me that she wanted me to take some time to figure out if she is the right fit for me because she wants me to make the best choice for me that will help me the most in the future. I definitely think I will stick with her though. She was really nice and really encouraging me.
She made me feel like she really understood how much suffering I’ve been through and how alone I’ve felt. And when I told her that I was 31 days free of self-harm (thats right, I’m over ONE MONTH FREE OF SELF-HARM!!!) she was really happy for me and praised me. She made me feel like I’d really made a huge accomplishment by getting this far and encouraged me to keep going.
I also really appreciate the fact that she said no matter what it takes she wants to help me find a way to get more coverage for my therapy. My school has cut back the spending on mental health services for students so it’s really hard to get coverage for the sessions but she has basically told me that we will figure it out and that she is “not above incessantly making phone calls to get through to” my case manager.
Overall, she really made me feel comfortable and she already provided me with a lot of tips for dealing with my panic attacks. She also told me that she is more than willing to take baby steps and will back-off if there is ever anything that I can’t talk about and that there is absolutely no way that I can disappoint her. This is really important to me because one of the worst things anyone can ever say to me is “I’m disappointed in you” because it makes me feel so worthless.
I haven’t made another appointment to see her yet because my schedule is so crazy, but I definitely think I’m going to continue to pursue therapy. There is definitely still a lot for me to work on. But I’ll get there. Baby steps.