Okay, I’ll admit it; sometimes I fall apart.
I used to be completely ashamed about that. I would hide away and have my meltdowns in private so that nobody would ever know that I was suffering or dealing with emotional turmoil.
Thankfully, I have come to realize that it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. It’s okay to not be okay 100% of the time. It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, lonely, and everything in between. Negative emotions are just as valid as positive ones and deserve to be felt just as happiness, joy, love, and companionship demand to be felt.
I think this is one of the most evasive life lessons that I’ve had the pleasure of learning. It took me years to realize that there was nothing wrong with feeling negative emotions. To be honest, I believe that my difficulty in learning this stemmed from my upbringing. While I love both of my parents more than any words could ever express, they had a tendency to discourage any form of negative emotion. Anger was an emotion that I didn’t dare express and to cry would be worthy of chastisement.
I grew up believing that it was not acceptable to express or even feel negative emotions. Unfortunately, I cannot deny that this may have contributed to my development of self-destructing coping mechanisms. However, throughout the last few years I have had the pleasure of working with a therapist who not only taught me that it was okay to acknowledge my negative emotions, but to turn around and face those emotions head on. Gone are the days of denial and avoidance. I’m proud to say that I have grown emotionally and mentally as an individual by learning to face my emotions in a healthy way, even if that means I have a complete meltdown and spend an afternoon watching TV or reading a book to give myself a break.
I guess the moral of this story is that it’s okay to have a meltdown. It’s okay to express those “ugly” emotions just as it is okay to express the positive ones. At the end of the day, I’m not super-human. My mind was not made to hold the weight of the world. At some point, I’m going to reach a breaking point. And that’s okay.
As ridiculous as this might sound, you need to embrace your inner glow-stick. Sometimes you have to break before you can shine.