Fear…It’s the elephant in the room of your own mind. You have all of these dreams and aspirations for your future, but there is still a voice in the back of your mind that questions whether or not you will actually take that step. Will you push past the fears and all of the ‘what ifs’? Will you take that risk and have faith in your ability to make it to the other side? Or will you drown in a sea of regret?
The next year of my life has the potential to be a monumental turning point in my life, and I’m not just talking about recovery. I’m talking about completely uprooting my life, moving to a new city where I will know absolutely nobody and essentially be starting from scratch and building a new life for myself.
I will obviously not be completely forgetting about my past; I still have my family and friends and people who will be there for me to help me through the transition. But at the end of the day I will be the one bearing the brunt of the anxiety and the potential for things to go wrong is terrifying.
However, what I have learned in the past few months is that I have goals for my future and in order to reach those goals I need to step outside of my comfort zone. Nothing will change if I am not willing to leave behind the comfort of my current lifestyle and reach for the future that I want for myself.
It’s not about being unafraid. It’s about recognizing the fear and not allowing yourself to give in to it.
I hope that in a few months when it comes time for me to make the decision about my future (provided I am offered a spot in the program I want to attend) that I will be able to make the decision that is best for my future, not the decision that will be best for avoiding the fears and anxieties of the present moment. I need to start pushing past the anxiety of the here and now in order to work towards the future that I want. I can’t let anxiety control my life anymore.