As you’ve probably figured out if you follow my blog closely, I love Anna Akana’s videos.
I re-discovered this gem today and it made me smile despite the fact that I’ve been having a rough week, so I figured I would share it.
I can relate to Anna in the sense that I am also a very introverted and isolated person. I enjoy solidarity and I would much prefer a night in reading a book over a night at a club or a party. I can appreciate the value of a nice chat with a close friend or a girls night in, but the idea of going out to crowded environments like a party or a club makes me cringe.
With that being said, even though I enjoy being alone I am starting to realize that it is really important to have social supports in the form of friendships. And don’t get me wrong, I have some really great friends. But the problem is that most of them live a few hours away. I’m at that point in my life where my friends and I stay in touch through phone calls, texts, and emails because we’ve all gone our separate ways for school and career opportunities. So even though I have some great friends, this does me little good when I’m having a rough day and I need some physical companionship. Sometimes you really need to see friends face to face which means its important to have people who live close enough that you can see them in person even if it only happens every once in a while.
In a few months this could be even more important to me. If I end up moving to a new city I will no longer have the support of my roommate and therapist (the only two constants I have right now) so I’ll be even more isolated. Because of this, I think it is important for me to start building connections now so that when/if I move again in a few months I will have the ability to reach out to new people and make new friends in the new city so that I have people to lean on when times get tough.
To say i’m anxious about this would be the understatement of the century. It’s been years since I’ve been in a situation where I need to make new friends in a new situation where I don’t know anybody. I’m terrified. I’ve finally reached a point with my close friends where I feel comfortable disclosing the mental health issues that I struggle with but it took years to build up that level of trust. I’m defensive and self-protective by nature because of my past and I find it difficult to let other people get to know me. I’m scared that I will be alone and unable to let people in. I’m scared that I will be alone.
There is a huge difference between enjoying isolation while knowing that you have people to lean on when you need to and being isolated because you have absolutely nobody to lean on. The potential for complete isolation is terrifying and the thought of that makes me fear the future. But at the same time I need to stop letting anxiety make my decisions. I need to take risks in life if I want to move forward and reach my goals. As hard as it might be, I need to learn how to build a support system for myself while moving forward with my life.