If you’re lost and alone or you’re sinking like a stone, carry on.

Lately, I’ve been finding a lot of deeper meaning in the lyrics of songs. While this isn’t really anything new for me, it has been happening a lot more frequently and I find myself being even more analytical about song meanings and passages from books than I usually am.

b46247d0223a5fdf2df81738814a2713One song that recently stood out to me is the song “Carry On” by Fun. I’ve been struggling a lot to get through the days minute by minute, hour by hour and one of the thoughts that gets me through this is the idea that I just have to keep going. I have to keep moving forward and with each and every day I am making progress. Towards what, I don’t know; but progress nonetheless.

I think one of the reasons that I’ve started relating more to the lyrics of songs–more than usual I should say–is a result of the amount of self-reflection I’ve been doing in therapy. The therapeutic method that my psychologist and I are currently working through is rigorous and extraordinarily exhausting mentally and emotionally. I spend so much of my day thinking about even the most mundane aspects of my life and how those elements of myself are impacted by the traumatic experiences of my past. It feels as though everything can be traced back to the trauma in some form or another if I spend enough time thinking about it. So, perhaps this is why I hear a lyric and it immediately makes me think of something in my own life. Maybe the fact that I’m spending so much time in a self-reflective state is making me prone to applying everything to the context of my own existence.

Of course, this is not to say that my analytical thinking is inherently bad. In fact, I’m quite enjoying the insightful moments. The fact that I can relate the lyrics of artists to my own experiences makes me feel less alone because there is some sort of a connection there; the author of the lyrics has been through something similar and therefore, I am not alone in my experiences. It’s comforting in a weird way.

On the flip side, being overly analytical about everything can be exhausting. I find myself frequently thinking about things that I don’t want to think about when I am listening to the radio in the car or at work. In these moments I often feel trapped, as if I cannot escape from the past. It can sometimes feel as though the past is taking over the present and future. But I know that this is not true. In reality I am in control of my present and the traumatic experiences of my past are not. It’s just difficult to re-assert this for myself when I am continuously being drawn into thoughts about the past as a result of song lyrics, a poem, or a novel.

Critical thinking is a double edged sword I suppose.

xo

Ayla

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