If you’re a twenty-something female, chances are you’ve probably started to receive comments about your so-called “biological clock” tick tick ticking away and felt the pressure of people passing judgement on your childless life. But the scrutiny doesn’t end there, not even close! In fact, as soon as you so much as voice the idea of never having children you will be bombarded with people undermining your ability to make decisions for yourself with the claim that “you’ll change your mind one day, just you wait and see”.
Thankfully, I’m self-aware enough to know that people who make statements such as this are simply self-absorbed individuals who are trying to force their own beliefs onto me. Not wanting to have kids is not a selfish impulsive decision that I made as a careless teenager; it is something that I’ve carefully considered for years now without having the slightest waiver in my decision. For me, this means I have no desire to have my own biological children; however, in the event that I decide to have children in the future, I will adopt children who are in need of a loving home. While others may feel the need to have their own biological child, I see a need for thousands of children to find loving homes so I would much rather adopt one of these children as opposed to having my own. So while I am quite certain that I do not want to have children at all, I do have a backup plan in the event that I change my mind in ten years. People change, so it is entirely possible that one day I will want to raise a family, but as of right now I have absolutely no desire to raise any children unless they are pugs. Because I am just as certain about the fact that I will one day have a fur-baby as I am about the fact that I do not want a human baby.
So, without further ado, here is a list of reasons why it is 100% completely okay to not want to have children!!
Freedom to live the life that you want to live
A life without children is a life without nearly as many things to tie you down to one way of life. Maybe you want to travel the world or dedicate your life to your career. Some people might claim that this is a selfish reason to not have children, but if you’re only having kids to not seem selfish then you’re having kids for the wrong reasons. You should have kids because YOU want to, not because you’re afraid that others will call your selfish. If having children does not fit into the lifestyle that you want for yourself, then don’t have kids. And don’t feel as though you have to justify that decision to the judgmental dictators in your life.
While some people who have children despite not wanting children will grow to love parenthood, others will grow to resent their lifestyle and –in some cases–even the children. Having kids that you don’t want can often be unfair to the child in the situation because the parent may subconsciously (or even consciously) resent the child for all of the things that they can no longer do as a result of their parental obligations. As awful as this sounds, it can and often does happen. Unfortunately, this can cause a distance between parent and child which would not exist in a relationship between a parent who deeply wanted children. So is it really selfish to not have children if you feel as though you would not be able to provide the love and support that every child deserves? I think not.
If you are someone like me, perhaps the idea of independence is important to you. You can make your own decisions for yourself without having to take into account how your actions will impact your offspring. Again, to some this may seem selfish but in actuality there is nothing wrong with wanting to live an independent lifestyle.
This one is a bit self-explanatory: kids are expensive. Therefore, not having kids saves you money. In my case, I can redirect this money for other purposes like fulfilling my desire to open a non-profit organization dedicated to providing mental health services to people who would not otherwise be able to afford treatment.
It is your body; you have the right to make your own reproductive decisions
At the end of the day, if you are a woman and you do not want to have children, then don’t have children! It’s your body and you have the right to whatever you want with it. Choosing not to have children is not selfish; nor is the decision to have children selfless.
Nobody else can live your life for you, so don’t feel as though you need to justify your decision to remain childless to anyone who will judge you for the decision. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids and anyone who suggests otherwise needs to mind their own metaphorical beeswax.
Thanks for reading!